A beautiful gift

Let me give you the background story to the story about the beautiful gift that we received this past week. It all centers around "The Red Couch" in The White Swan Hotel in China. Most adoptive families stay at this beautiful hotel on Shamian Island while they are completing all of the necessary steps and paperwork needed for the United States to allow their child to leave China and head home to the US. A day or two before you leave, you get together with your group if you are with one and by yourself if you are not and take a picture of all the children on the Red Couch. There are actually several red couches in the hotel lobby so any one of them will do. Even if you do not stay at this hotel you will most likely have made your way to the hotel to get this picture taken. It is one of the China Adoption rites of passage. I will not generalize but 99.99% of us have a picture like this.



As you can see, none of the children in Katie's travel group look that pleased to be on the red couch; certainly not as pleased as their parents were who have placed them there. Our picture was even crazier than most as there is not a dry eye in the house. All of these wonderful children are Katie's Gansu sisters and they all are very special to us. If you cannot tell, Katie is the one on the top row to the far left.

So now on to the beautiful gift. Marc's cousin, Nina is an artist. Way back, just after we adopted Katie, she saw our photo and was very taken with it. She asked us if she could borrow it as she might like to paint it. We were thrilled at the prospect and of course handed it right over.

Nina did end up painting the picture and then she began showing it in galleries and shows around where she lives in the NYC metro area. We were happy that others would get to see this picture but secretly hoped that someday it would be ours. We were overjoyed and completely taken aback this past week when this tremendous surprise came in the mail for us; the painting of our red couch photo!!



We love her interpretation of it. She had told us at first that she had made the red couch another color, not realizing it's significance but she was set straight by adoptive families that viewed it and changed it to the red color. She has taken artistic license with some of the details but we totally LOVE it!! It means so much to us. Of course, my picture cannot do it justice as I took it tonight with poor lighting but you get the wonderful idea.

Thank you Cousin Nina from the bottom of our hearts; what a meaningful gift you have given to us!

We are all card carrying members now...

at our public library. This was a big deal, I would like you to know. I was absolutely petrified of taking my mischief man into the library with all of it's wonderful quietness. Anyone who knows our mischief man knows that he is a "loud talker" of epic proportions. He has not yet mastered the art of the "inside voice," so I have avoided the library like the plague. Katie has been there before for children's programs but we had not gotten her a library card yet, as she takes out books each week at her school library and we have so many at home. The DD are also like night and day when it comes to their volume control. Katie is a "low talker." She speak so lightly sometimes that I have to ask her to repeat herself. I laughed the other day when she told me that one of the more soft spoken girls in her class speaks too softly. I told her that was the pot calling the kettle black, obviously a figure of speech lost on her but I still had to say it.

I am not sure what came over me today but I decided that this was the day that we were going to take our Dynamic Duo to our local library. I guess I was feeling a little more adventurous than usual or maybe I am becoming desensitized to Ethan's antics but whatever the reason, it was time! I told my family that this afternoon after school, we would be going and they seemed pretty excited. Well, Marc did not seem that excited but the kids did ;-)

On the drive over, I reinforced the rules of the library, topping the list was keeping zipped lips but if they needed to speak, then to speak in a very low "inside voice," kind of like a whisper and then I whispered to them for the rest of the ride to display the desired behavior. Now, I do realize that low talking is just fine but I need to reinforce this to the max for the E-man and his partner in crime the low talker.

We entered the library and split up from Marc who volunteered to fill out the paperwork for the cards (pretty slick of him) and I took the DD to the youth section. They began to search and did an awesome job finding books to bring home, all while being relatively quiet. We then sat down to look at the books and wait for Daddy to find us. He walked past us without seeing us at first and Mr E was so adorable as he whispered, D A D D Y...we are over H E R E!!!! We reunited and began to look at the DVD's together. Who knew!!! It has been so long since I have been in a library that I has no idea that you could take children's videos out....so cool! The pickings were a bit slim but no matter, we still found four to take home. Things got a little louder during that process but we moved on before the S hit the fan.

Marc told me that the kids had to sign the card in the presence of the librarian....huh?!? Four year old's need to have their scribble scrabble siggies witnessed?!? Marc looked thoroughly disgusted at the stupidity of that rule but we needed to comply, so we did. The paperwork and the cards took a bit of time. Time was becoming our enemy at that point as Ethan decided that he had been quiet long enough and started to get louder and more antsy. I corralled them into some chairs while I waited for Daddy to signal me over for the siggies, which took another few minutes. Before he did so, Katie spotted a young woman of Asian decent (our town has a very large Chinese/Taiwanese population :) and walked up to her and said "You are from China and so am I." She then proceeded to count to 10 for her in Mandarin. The girl was a young teen and did not look that excited to be engaged by Katie so I told Katie to say goodbye and she said "Zai Jian" and off we went back to the chairs for a bit. Finally, it was time to sign and get our cards.

All in all a pretty successful outing I would say. I think that my little mischief man is growing up and learning how to behave. Of course, the fact that he had been put back in the Yellow Zone in school for bad behavior today reminds me that he is a work in progress.

Hey, aren't we all?

It's all part of the plan

My friend Mary says that G-d makes REALLY mischievous little boys this adorable so that their mother's do not get too mad at them when they wreak their havoc. I think she is so right! Darn!!

True to form

That is how our two little children were running today. Mama always knows ;-)

Today was the first trip to the Pediatric Dentist for our DD. I knew that when I told them recently about going, that their reactions would be totally different and I was so right. Katie and her worry wart self, immediately wailed "NOOOOO, I don't want to go to the dentist, I don't like the dentist!!!" This child has never been to the dentist, she has never spoken to anyone about the dentist as far as I know and the only knowledge that she has is from a couple of "very fun" books that I have read to her about the dentist. It is just her nature to be fearful of the unknown. Ethan on the other hand also ran true to form and when told of the impending appointment yelled "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! I love the Dentist!!" Yup, same lack of knowledge and two very different reactions. Our mischief man has never met a new experience that he was not open to.

Of course, I have spent the last couple of days gently reminding Katie of the upcoming appointment and reminding her that the Dentist is a fun place for children and that she will get a new toothbrush and maybe even a prize if she is very cooperative. She did not look that convinced.

Today, we set off on our adventure and when we pulled into the parking lot and pointed out that we were there, Ethan cheered and Katie moaned. In we walked and Katie perked up when she saw the televisions, toys and video games. Ethan was already perked up, so his Perko-meter went off the charts!

After a few minutes we were called in and the DD were instructed how to brush their teeth after being able to choose new toothbrushes. They then got a chance to try it themselves. Katie looked utterly disgusted and Ethan tried to take all the toothbrushes from all of the sinks in the room....OY!

The DD, Marc and I were then taken back to the room where they would be examined by the dentist and then given their cleaning. The hygienist asked who wanted to go first and who do you think yelled....ME!?! Of course,....Ethan! That seemed like a good idea since then Katie would see that it was not a big deal by watching her brother. Ethan ran into the room and laid down on the chair all excited. The hygienist put sunglasses on him so that the light would not bother him and she examined his teeth. I knew what she would find and it would not be good. From the moment that we met our son in China we immediately saw the crowding, fused teeth and decay. He was still on the bottle at 2 1/2 so his teeth basically came to a point in the front from the nipple. I am sure that the issues are a combination of neglect, bad nutrition possibly of birth mother and child and the bottle being his main source of nutrition for too long and most likely propped in his mouth too much. For the past two years as we were building our attachment, we just did our best to keep his teeth clean and limit sugars so that when we felt comfortable taking him to the dentist it would not have worsened.

The dentist came in and after greeting us and speaking to the children, got her look at E's mouth. She found lots of cavities, fused teeth, cosmetic discoloration and severe crowding that basically ensures lots of extractions and orthodontia in the future. We spoke about our plan of action for him and then the hygienist got down to business and cleaned his teeth. Ethan basically giggled through the whole cleaning. I am glad that he is not frightened by the dentist because we will be back monthly for him for quite awhile, between the work that needs to be done in addition to special fluoride treatments.

Now, it was Katie's turn and again true to form she became quietly upset and gritted her teeth. The Dentist and Hygienist were excellent and were able to speak to her just the right way to have her open her mouth and cooperate. She was absolutely fine after that and just as I thought she has absolutely perfect teeth, gums and a very good chance at no orthodontia in the future if the spacing that she has now holds true. Good thing, since if she had to have the amount of work that E is going to have to have, we would both need therapy in the end.

We ended our appointment with two happy children bearing new toothbrushes, floss, pictures of them with the dentist, stuffed animals and prizes....wow, were they happy!

Even though we have lots of work ahead we were happy too. Dr Abby felt that we could really help E since we are tackling the issues early on and now both members of the DD say that they like going to the dentist and can't wait to go back!

P.S. Justin, I know that you read this daily so let me remind you that you need to get to the dentist too! You can never get too old for a little mama nagging...er... I mean love :)

Here are some photos from the visit taken by my phone camera and the one that the office took of them with the Doctor.

Ethan having his teeth looked at

Katie watching Ethan intently

Katie having her teeth examined

Dr Abby and the DD after a successful first visit to the dentist!

What being a mother means to me

In one word....

EVERYTHING

There is nothing that gives me greater pleasure in the world than being around my children, all of them. I adore being their Mom.

Having this second chance at parenting has been the greatest gift of my life. Not necessarily because it is always fun or easy, although I do appreciate those times immensely. I think the biggest gift that parenthood during the "middle years" is the gift of wisdom and patience that I have been able to utilize in my parenting toolbox. I have always perceived myself as a good mom, although I surely wish that I had the head on my shoulders back then that I do now. I don't think that I was able to see the bigger picture in terms of the impact my words and deeds would have so many years later. I think good intentions and lots of love went a long way with Justin, as he is a super man. He is the kind of a man that I am proud to say will make a wonderful partner to his bride to be, Judy. That is the best gift that I could have ever been part of giving.

Thankfully, the Little's have the benefit of all of this "hard fought" wisdom that I have accumulated. I can already see the people that they will become being formed right in front of my eyes on a daily basis.

Lastly, there is no greater joy in life for me than watching the three of them together. Here I am this past July with the three of them and you can see the happiness all over my face.

Lori is one lucky mama and boy does she know it!!

Why is it so much harder to take it off than it is to put it on?

This is the dress that this mother of the groom (yours truly) is wearing to her son's wedding. I love it, love it, love it! There is just one problem, it really does not fit!!

I did not even intend to purchase a dress that fateful day, a couple of months back. Justin and Judy asked us to come and look at Tuxes with them. When we mentioned to the owner of the store that I was about to start looking for my dress, she pointed us in the direction of a store just a few doors down that sells Mother of the Bride and Groom dresses. Yes, there really is a whole store dedicated just to that.

You should have seen me; it was really quite comical. The four of us walk in to this little cramped store with way too many dresses stuffed into it. I became completely overwhelmed the moment that I crossed over the threshold. I am not a great shopper anyway and this just sent me into full tilt. Marc, who has a great eye for what I look good in, immediately started pulling dresses from the racks and showing them to me. I kept mumbling something about the fact that I still had some weight to lose before I wanted to try anything on. None of the three of them were buying it. Neither was the clerk that was approaching me while openly scoffing at the idea that I would lose weight before the big day. "Everyone who comes in here says that!" she said, to which I responded quite firmly "I will be losing at least 20 lbs!!" In her most soothing voice, saved for delusional mother's of the groom like me, she directed me to a couple of dresses that she felt would suit me. Outnumbered, I chose two gowns and shuffled off to the dressing room where I escaped behind the door, blissfully alone and tried the first gown on ...NO WAY! It looked awful! I took the second one down from the hook which I really liked on the hanger and tried to slip it on but it was more like squeezing myself in. I had chosen a size that I felt would be a fit but if you have ever tried on a formal gown or a wedding dress then you know that the sizing had to have been set up by some sadistic man who wanted to make women feel awful about themselves! I asked the clerk for help and she had to elicit the help of my entourage who basically had to help zip me into this thing. What a picture that must have been but I LOVED IT! I decided right then and there that it was the perfect dress and that I WOULD lose the weight necessary to zip it up comfortably, which leads me to the title of this post.

I have cut out all in between meal snacking. For the most part, I have halved my meals and I have been exercising 5 days a week but the weight does not seem to be going anywhere! I have to go for my final fitting at the end of this month and I am getting a teensy bit concerned....heck, who am I kidding, I am downright petrified!!

I will report back after the fitting. I hope that after all of this time not eating, that I do not end up eating my words.

Lazy Sunday

It was a totally lazy day today; so lazy in fact that I did not even feel like blogging but I made a commitment that I would post once a day for all of November, so here I am.

We did so little today that the highlight of the day was heading outside with the DD this afternoon so that they could ride their bikes and take artistic license with their sidewalk chalk. Other than that, the only active thing that I did the whole day was to take a long walk. I had to do that since I am trying to get in better shape before Justin's wedding and the dress that I purchased a few months back did not exactly fit too well when I tried it on in the store.

I will give you all the gory details tomorrow. For now, I will leave you with some DD sweetness.

















These next three photos were taken right after I told Ethan that he could not ride out of our cul de sac. He has been perfecting his sulking technique for quite some time and this seemed to be the perfect opportunity to show us how good it has gotten. Katie is trying to comfort him in these shots...







Back to having fun together.

A Party in the Park

Birthday parties are almost a weekly affair for the DD and this weekend was no exception. As birthday parties go though, this one ranked way up there at the top of the list. The weather was windy but temperate, the kids were led in activities by trained counselors and many of my closest friends were there. I got to actually enjoy adult conversation while the kids had a blast.

Like I said, it ranked right up there....thanks Candy and David! Rachel's birthday was a blast!

These are the raw shots with no edits and there are 120 of them...enjoy the slideshow. Note, in one of the shots you will see me shooting a bird. My husband was clandestinely taking shots of me and I caught him. That was my first reaction...I know...real mature of me *SNORT*


Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

The Dynamic Duo's Faithful Friend

Gabby was our fur baby long before the DD came into our lives. She took us by storm in January of 1998 at the tender age of 6 weeks and promptly stole our heart. I will never forget the little Chihuahua puppy fitting nicely into then thirteen year old Justin's palm.

Marc and I met the next year and into our lives came Buddy, a Miniature Pincher with big time personality! The two pooches got a long famously for the next seven years, until one week before we were scheduled to leave for China to adopt Katie. Fifteen year old Buddy, who had been previously as healthy as a horse, went into sudden Kidney failure. He passed away days later. What a sad time that was for us and for Gabby who loved Buddy so much.

We left for two weeks for our first adoption and came back with a rambunctious thirteen month old in tow. Poor Gabby was shell shocked. Remember, she had been living with three adults, one of which was away at college. Life was pretty tranquil for her but now Katie was in constant pursuit of Gabby and wanted to love on her all the time. Of course, Katie's idea of loving was a little on the rough side. Our poor fur baby sunk into a deep depression. She no longer had Buddy and now in her home came a crazy little girl who could not keep her hands off of her. She stopped eating and just moped and slept all day. We took her to the vet, who told us that she was in depression and we would need to put her on doggy Prozac if she did not perk up soon. We worked really hard to give her lots of extra TLC and keep Katie in check, which was not an easy task. Slowly, the fog lifted and our sweet little Chihuahua was back to her old self.

Fast forward eighteen months and the arrival of Ethan. We were worried about Gabby but with this addition she was much more resilient and seemed to be able to handle the newest toddler who had never seen a doggy before.

Now Gabby loves the DD very much. She is the first to run in their room each morning to greet them and sits by their side whenever she gets a chance. The DD are very good with her now as well. They love to feed her and walk her. They are very gently with her as well.

Gabby has turned around to the point that she has become their "very fierce" protector and barks and growls at anyone she does not know that comes to close to our children. Of course, the fact that she is 5 1/2 lbs. and so small in stature, most people just laugh at her. She does not seem to take notice of their amusement at all. She thinks that she is a very big girl and that they should be worried.

I love what an animal teaches children. Our DD are so compassionate and loving to animals because of their exposure to their cherished Pet. I think this translates to all living beings as well.

Gabby is not only loved by our immediate family but all of her grandparents vie for a turn with her when we go out of town. Gabby loves all of them so much that she literally cries (it's true) when she sees them.

Gabby is a very special member of our family and we all love her very much!

Swine Flu and vaccinating our children

This topic is surely on the minds of all of us these days and I think even more so if you have young children. It seems lately that there are no easy answers to many issues and of course the decision to vaccinate or not is no exception. When I first heard about H1N1, I really discounted it's ferocity. Now, after seeing many of my friend's children battling this illness, I have a very healthy respect for it. There is even one adult in my extended adoption circle who has passed away after being on a respirator for the last days of his life. He is survived by a wife and two children. Pretty scary stuff.

To complicate the decision making process is that while most have a pretty mild case of the disease there seems to be a small population of people who are at risk to become critically ill and death is a definite concern.

My first thought about vaccinating was No Way!! I will not vaccinate my children against this bug with a vaccine that has not had enough time being mass produced to allow us to know what the real downside is. Now though, after educating myself over these past months, I have changed my stand on this and so has Marc. Ethan will be vaccinated in his school over the next week or two, they just sent home the permission slips. Katie on the other hand has no access at this time, as she is in a private preschool and the health department in this area is providing it to the public schools first.

The subject of Katie vaccination is my latest dilemma. I have come to find out that the nasal swab test that is given to make the diagnosis of flu, before it is sent to the CDC for confirmation has about a 30% false negative rate. Based on that fact and also that Katie exhibited all of the troubling symptoms before she was hospitalized with Pneumonia this past May, I have a very strong suspicion that even though she tested negative for Flu that she in fact did have H1N1 and we were not aware of it. It was fast, furious and she was sicker in 24 hours than I have ever seen anyone. I have asked her pediatrician if we can do a titers (antibodies) test on her to see if she was exposed at one time before we have the opportunity to vaccinate her. Like most of you, I do not want to vaccinate my child unless I have a very real reason to do so. I should hear back with an answer in a couple of days.

One more issue in the daily onslaught of issues to grapple with. Of course, when it comes to our children the stakes are about as high as they get.

So, what are you deciding for your family?

Our Real Life Daughter is a Pretend Fairy Princess

Katie Starr has a wonderful imagination and today I caught her at play

We are placed in each other's lives for a reason

I always knew that but today, once again, the point was driven home! Yesterday, I posted about fear and love. I spoke about my own failings as a human being and that I strive daily to be all about love. I am human and so it is a work in progress. I spoke of my love and admiration for my friend Shelby, who runs the Elison Project, which is a foundation that benefits special needs adoptions, the families that adopt them and the surgeries that will change their lives.

When I spoke of Elision, I knew that they, like so many other foundations and non-profits were suffering in this economy. What I did not know when I wrote the blog post, is that Shelby was in a great deal of anguish about all that she was not able to do because of the financial state of her charitable entity.

What I found out this morning was that my post was the impetus for her to reconsider her thought patterns, especially after she discussed it with one of her dear friends who pointed out that it is more about what you HAVE done to make a difference in a life and not to get bogged down in what you have not been able to do.

Saving one life makes a difference. Shelby has already made much more of a difference than most of us could ever dream of doing and she could most certainly rest on her laurels but no way, not Shelby!!

The end of her blog post will give you a glimpse into this amazing woman's soul.

"I can not tell you what will happen with The Elison Project. I can not tell you if we will be around a year from now (we are out of money), but I can tell you that starting today and for the rest of my life, I will never again let what I am NOT doing get in the way of what I am doing or let what I can't do, stop me from what needs to be done.

I will never again let my own self doubt get in the way of working my fingers to the bone doing all I can, until my very last breath, for all those waiting and hoping and praying."

I know as I never knew before that we walk paths towards each other and we just need to search to know why we have come upon this person in our life. It is obvious in my opinion as to why Shelby and I are walking this path together at this point in our lives. On my end, I am at a crossroads as well and am truly inspired by her faith and courage. I needed to read her words today. They give me the strength to continue to follow my heart as it leads me to new and exciting chapters yet to be written.

P.S. There is something every single one of us can do right now to help Elison. Shelby is putting together a cookbook for a fundraiser. Click on this button and find out where you can send a recipe to be included in this worthwhile fundraiser. I am going to send mine in today. I will have to wrack my brain to come up with a good one because as all of you know me know very well, I am no domestic goddess. I will do it though...to make a small difference in the life of a child. If I can do it, you can too! :)

I am leaving the fear behind so I leave you for today with love,

Can your love overcome your fear?

Surprisingly enough, a Toys R Us catalog is the catalyst for this blog post. I was looking at the holiday circular over lunch today and it occurred to me as I thumbed through the pages, that the children modeling in it represented many different ethnic backgrounds as well as children that have challenges of one type of another. As I looked at the children, I felt happiness that Madison Avenue is becoming more aware that we want to view all different kinds of faces, not just ones that look like our own. It is a start, but I know we also have a long way to go. It has to translate on so many levels and pave inroads for so many different groups.

We all would like to believe that we do not have prejudice. Denying our prejudice is denying the truth. I am prejudiced and so are you. There is no way that we cannot be. It is ingrained into our psyches at the earliest of ages and it is ALWAYS based in fear of the unknown.

One of the biggest prejudices that I held for far too long was in the area of children that had special needs. "Those" children were for families that could "handle" their needs. I would marvel at what "those" people could deal with but "No, thank you," I was not interested in dealing with those types of needs myself. Quite honestly, if you had asked me ten years ago if I would ever think to adopt a child (my race or another one) I would have told you that you were nuts.

The story of how we decided to adopt from China is a long one and one that I will save for another day but quite honestly, it was never on my radar. Now, I cannot imagine how it could not have been.

When we first decided to adopt from China, there was no question that we would be asking the officials in China to let us adopt a child with no known issues, what is commonly known in the adoption community as a "non special needs adoption." We submitted our paperwork, took our place in line and decided that no matter how long the wait was, we were going to have that "perfect" little girl that we had been dreaming of. We, in no way felt that we could possible handle a child with needs greater than than what a supposed "normal and healthy" child would/could bring. As the wait lengthened from 6 to 10 months, which back then seemed like an eternity and today is a walk in the park, we saw some of our fellow adoptive families leave the NSN queue and find a "waiting child" on a special needs list and pursue those adoptions.

When we finally received our referral of our precious daughter Katie Starr, we rejoiced and set out for China with a clear idea in mind about what to expect. What we expected and what we got were two very different things. What we got was a perfect daughter with lots of imperfect baggage brought about by 3 disruptions in caregivers and a "gotcha" moment done in her sleep that really turned into what seemed to be an abduction from her foster family. I am not naive enough to think that she really thought that she was abducted but deep in the recesses of her brain, there were responses being set up to deal with the constant loss of any security that she had, over and over again. We were lucky with Katie, in that we believe that most of her other needs were met by the orphanage and then her foster family. You have never met a child as on target developmentally as Katie but when it came to whether she had a secure bone in her body...the answer was an unequivocal "NO." I am sure that if you were to ask our travel mates, they would tell you that we had one very sad child on our hands. She cried constantly and when not crying would just stare into space for very long periods of time. The easing up phase that all in China adoption know about usually happens in Guangzhou, but for us never materialized. When it was time to come home we took the same scared, sad and very sick child home. I knew very well after raising Justin what a secure attachment felt like and this was not it; not even close. I cried myself to sleep many nights at the thought that this daughter, that I loved with all of my being, would never allow herself to love and return that love back to us. It took us a lot of time (months into a year or more) to help her form the attachments that would allow her to succumb to our love and feel more secure. Even now, 3 1/2 years later, we are still working on feeling secure but thankfully she is attached...very much so.

Katie taught me not to ever take for granted that what you see on the surface is what is really underneath. She taught me that special needs are not something to be afraid of. She taught me and I believe that I speak for Marc, that documented special needs were not something to shy away from if you decided to bring a child into your heart and home. That sweet little girl and her courage gave us the courage to face our unknown fears and prejudices head on and to adopt a child with special needs. Enter Ethan, a little boy that stole our hearts and who's own heart had been very defective. We took the leap of faith that was now born of real life education and headed to China to bring him home. Once again, we were bound to get taught a lesson that would further expand our horizons. Our little boy, who's heart had been surgically healed by the hands of angels known as doctors, was very wounded at the hands of his caretakers. He was severely neglected and he presented with what is called "Institutional Autism" and failure to thrive. OK, what the heck did we sign up for was my shameful thought but thankfully, I was able to work through those thoughts and bring home this son who changed our lives so much as he fought to overcome his issues. Now we know very deeply in our hearts that there is really no issue that we cannot face. These children with special needs (both unknown and undocumented and known and fully disclosed, as well as all the variables that lie between those two ends of the spectrum) have been the greatest blessings of our lives. I look at children as just that, children. It no longer matters to me whether they have cleft lips/palates, missing fingers or limbs, heart defects, blood ailments or any so called disfigurement or ailment. All that matters to me now is that they are a child in need of love and a family. I am no longer in a position due to age or resources to be able to bring another child into our lives but one of my life's missions is to educate and therefore rid the world of prejudice. It is like a Cancer that will only spread if not stopped.

There is a really special person that was brought into my life through the miracle of adoption. Her name is Shelby and she runs a very well know foundation in the Chinese Adoption Community that assists people with the funds that they need for a special needs adoption or older child adoption. She is committed to these children and their families. The Elison Project is like so many other foundations and non profits today; in need of some assistance to continue their good works. It would be wonderful if you could donate any amount of money but even if you can't donate monetarily then please spread the word about them on your blog, facebook or even in conversation. We never know who may be listening when we speak. Shelby is an angel on earth. She has a large family born through biology and adoption. All of her adopted children have special needs. She talks the talk and then backs it up and walks the walk. I aspire to her goodness and continue to try to be a better person each day by her example and others that set equally good ones each day.

We are all different and we are all very much the same. I know that we can all find a way to broaden our horizons just a bit to allow ourselves to imagine the possibilities. I feel sad that I wasted so much time early on being fearful and therefore closing myself off to those possibilities, which were really opportunities to love. That is the really sick and insidious thing about prejudice, it takes away our ability to love.

Thank you for reading my post today and please spread the love.

National Blog Posting Month

My friend Monica alerted me to the fact that there is a month...this one...for posting on your blog daily! Since it is also National Adoption Month, it reminds me to re-energize my blog a bit, as our adoptions were the reason that I began it in the first place. It has become a lot more than that to me though. It is a place that I can record the highlights and the low lights for the old and failing memory banks. It is also a place to share, support and just be me for the whole world to see. Facebook has taken me away more than I like but I am back and I hope that you will be too!

This is the first of two for the day since it is November 2nd and I need to catch up. Catch ya later and c'mon take the challenge right along with me....BLOG POST ONCE A DAY! You can do it!

Coveted Prize

Ethan won this Tootsie Roll after playing a party game over and over at the school Halloween Party today. He was finally victorious and here he is savoring his spoils.

Two Amazing Years with Ethan Frederick Zhiqing

I documented Ethan's first year adoption anniversary by looking back over the course of a year full of great challenges and triumphs. If you would like to read about our first year with Ethan you can do so here.

I would like to mark this second anniversary with Ethan by giving you a little glimpse into our little man today.

Ethan is now 31.5 lbs and 40 inches tall. He has finally made the US growth charts (barely) but hey, we will take it!!

He is still a bit "eating challenged" but mostly in the way many children are. He would prefer to eat junk food all day long if we allowed it. We, of course do not. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is an area that I am pretty strong about. When I serve a meal, you must try it. If you do not eat it then you do not get anything for dessert. Same holds true for Ethan's breakfast and lunch, which he eats at school. We get a report each day about what he has eaten and if he did not eat what was served to him then he will not get a snack, but rather will have to eat the sandwich that was left. He totally understand the rules and so about 95% of the time he eats he meals. In fact, he so understand the rules that when he gets off of the bus he tells me what he has eaten before I read all about it. This is very important as when he came home he was considered failure to thrive and malnourished by his both doctor and Early Intervention. He would not eat ANYTHING solid and it took us almost 2 months to get him off of the bottle at 2 1/2 years old. I am sure that you can understand how important eating was to us, so we are thrilled with the amazing progress that he has made.

Ethan is a great sleeper...period!! Love that!

Ethan's language has also made amazing strides and he is catching up by leaps and bounds. I think that he will have additional speech support once he reaches Kindergarten but when he came home he was placed at under 6 months in speech and development, in terms of his chronological age, so to get from there to close to his age level in 2 years is a tremendous victory.

His development runs along the same timeline as his speech...we are amazed at what a big boy he is becoming. He is somewhat behind in his fine motor skills but we are hoping for improvement there as well this year.

I can still see areas of weakness in his gait sometimes when he runs. We recently had him in a soccer clinic for preschoolers which seemed to be of help. We will continue to work on his large muscle groups and in time it will improve. The physical sport that he excels in is swimming. He is an amazing little swimmer and I actually think that he may have gills. His lung capacity is amazing, especially considering that he was born with two major heart defects and an underdeveloped trachea. I have no idea how he does it but anyone who sees him swim will shake their head in disbelief at how long he can hold his breath.

Ethan has a keen eye for detail. He watches everything and I mean everything that we do. He especially wants to understand how things work and his desire is to be of help in all situation's is huge. He is a very analytical and quite tenacious. The kiddo never gives up! Love that!

He has an issue with needing to know all the time what is on the agenda next which is an area that I have discussed before and we are constantly working on. It can be a bit maddening but we are making strides in this area as well.

Ethan is such a loving child. He is a kisser, hugger and all around sweetheart! He feels so badly if he hurts anyone in any way, either physically or emotionally. He is going to be a wonderful husband and father someday :)

He and Katie get along unbelievably well. They can play for huge stretches with no issue. Of course, there are times that they are "sharing challenged" but they are few and far between. They are fiercely protective of each other and miss each other like crazy when they are apart.

He is also as mischievous as the day is long. There is not a day where he has not plotted and carried out some agenda of his choosing. Some get him into trouble and some will do so if his plans are not quickly aborted by me or Marc. *SNORT*

Ethan loves his family and our friends so much. They love him just as much. This adorable and sweet child has taken everyone that he knows and made them his forever. There is no denying that there is something about this little one that is quite special. He is a survivor in the truest sense of the word. There are great things in store for this child and we want to be there to witness every single one of them.

We love you Ethan. You, Katie and Justin are the lights that guide our lives and we are so thankful for the gift of all of you.

Happy Second Forever Day!!

Love,
Mom and Dad

PS See how far he has come....

In China with Katie

One Year Forever

Tonight with his cake...he is all about the cake...so are we :)

It is always a treat to spend time with our FCC family

Today was our annual FCC Halloween Bash!! As always, the children had a wonderful time and the adults enjoyed watching the children and catching up with each other. Making it even more special this year was how warmly Marc was welcomed back from his time away in the hospital. He looked so happy to be amidst close friends who feel much more like extended family as my dear friend Grace says.

I always say that the additional blessing that came from the adoption of our DD was all of the wonderful people that it brought into our life.

Enjoy the pictures of our little Barbie Cheerleader, her brother the fireman and many of their adorable friends!

Home is where Marc's healthy heart is...

Yes, we are home and so thankful to be here. We actually got home two days ahead of schedule. Marc's doctor gave him a clean bill of health on Tuesday and by Wednesday we started our two day journey back to South Florida.

As I reported in my last post it was a very successful surgery and other than one bad day during the hospital stay it has been a fairly easy recovery. If you can belive it, Marc is actually going to supervise a gig tonight so in essence he is back to work. Don't worry though, he is under strict orders from the boss (me:) not to dare lift one piece of equipment or do anything else that would jeopardize a full recovery. It is amazing that they can do open heart surgery robotically and make it minimally invasive. He does not have to deal with the trauma and aftermath of having his chest cracked open (ouch)Just seven tiny incisions to heal...amazing!!!

We are so relieved to be ending such a scary chapter in our lives that began this past father's Day when Marc first fell ill, it has been a really rough few months but now we move on to a healthier and more productive next chapter.

There were many positives that came from that negative. There usually are if you just look for them. The first was that it reminds us that Marc and I have a very strong bond that perseveres during the good and the bad. That bond has been tested mightily over these past couple of years between illness and financial challenges and we always pull together and come out stronger and more secure. I am very thankful to have such a strong partner to share this life with.

We also have found that our family and friends are truly there for us when the going gets tough. The support has been unbelievable, both emotionally and with the huge outpouring of financial support coming out of the fundraiser that was sponsored by Marc's Professional Association. We have so many thank you's to deliver and we will do so as soon as possible.

Last but certainly not least, we are so thankful to our families for their support. Marc's Mom traveled with us to Atlanta to assist us with the DD while Marc was hospitalized and recuperating. My dad and sister came to Atlanta to lend their support during the surgery. My mom and Justin held the fort down and took care of things back here, so we did not have to worry at all, including taking care of our fur baby Gabby and our fish and frog :)

One sadness that remains is the loss of Marc's dad during this very difficult period of our life and the fact that he never had the opportunity to know that Marc had a successful outcome. He worried so much about this surgery and he ultimately lost his life due to complications of his diabetes; one of which was a bad mitral valve which ultimately caused heart failure..the same valve that Marc had repaired. Marc would have loved to have been able to share this happiness with his dad and he misses him very much every day.

The best tribute and honor to his dad and to all those that he loves, is for Marc to use this opportunity that he has been given to keep his body healthy and strong and not overdo it as he sometimes can. Believe me, that if I have anything to do with it (and I do) he will pace himself better.

Sounds cliche, but take each day and make it very special for those that you love and who love you. Remember the little things, they make all of the difference. I met a woman who's mom was in critical condition due to complications from the same bacteria that Marc fell ill to. She was not as fortunate as Marc and it was not diagnosed as quickly as Marc's was. When we left, she was on a ventilator, days after heart surgery of three valves and in addition was in kidney failure and on Dialysis. She was only five years older than Marc and her future is very much in question. Her only daughter was constantly at her bedside willing her to live and to come out of this but I fear if she does, the future will not be an easy one. That could have been my husband and we both know it. I am not going to waste one more minute of my life on anything that I do not find gratifying and worthwhile. It is a new day for me and my family and our new motto is Carpe Diem! Sieze the day! I hope that you do too!

With love and thankfulness,

Marc is out of the hospital

Just a short post to let all who are reading this know that Marc came through the heart surgery beautifully. He had one really bad day in the hospital post op with low blood pressure and very bad pain but that is behind him and yesterday he was released. We will see the Doctor tomorrow and hopefully he will release Marc by the end of the week to travel back home.

In the meantime, we are held up in very close quarters (Me, Marc, The DD and my MIL) and trying to find ways to keep the DD entertained. They have been awesome!

Here is a phone photo that I took just after Marc saw the children...so much happiness!! I will post once we get back home again.

Goodbye for now

We are heading out in the morning for two weeks to Atlanta to make sure that the man of my heart has his heart repaired. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers for a complete recovery and return to a healthy life. Thank you to our big kids for taking care of our home. I will blog again from the road.....

Love and Peace,